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These words, spoken by my dissertation director over two decades ago, became even more poignant when he revealed that his own mentor was helping him learn to age gracefully. In the intervening years, as he completed his teaching career and moved into retirement, I found myself reflecting on how his mentoring had shaped my own path — and how hooked on mentorship I have become, both seeking out mentors and serving as one.

I find myself doing both simultaneously on the Georgia-to-Georgia faculty exchange this semester, seeking advice from colleagues at the David Aghmashenebeli National Defense Academy on everything from departmental politics to the finest regional cheeses — and in return, offering guidance on dissertations, recommendation letters, and thematic teaching for higher-order thinking.

My life is filled with mentors and mentees, and I would urge everyone to consider mentorship in both capacities. Here I hope to use my experiences to offer practical advice on how anyone can seek a mentor or become a better one.

Do I Need a Mentor?

The answer is yes. Some people may not fully appreciate this need, especially if prior experiences were less than optimal. The best mentoring experiences are seldom assigned — they grow organically. To assess your own need, ask yourself:

• What skill areas do you hope to develop, even though you’re not sure what to do next?
• What unasked questions do you have about your career — or your life in general?
• What questions does your advisor leave unanswered that others seem to navigate with ease?
• What big decisions are you facing for which you feel unprepared?

What Is a Mentor?

The word traces to Mentōr, the trusted advisor to young Telemachus in Homer’s Odyssey. Crucially, mentor is both noun and verb — it is being and doing. A mentor differs from role-modeling, advising, supervising, coaching, or friendship, though it often encompasses parts of all of these.

Mentoring is a two-way learning process. At its best it is reciprocal — both people learn from each other. Although it often bridges generations, some of the finest mentoring occurs between equals with complementary skillsets. My own writing partner and I have maintained a reciprocal mentoring relationship for over a dozen years, meeting every three to four weeks to exchange advice on writing, professional decisions, and life — each of us gaining energy from the other.

Finding a Mentor

Not every combination of personalities works. The Analects attributed to Confucius offer a useful lens: one-third of people reduce our energy; one-third leave us neutral; one-third increase our energy. Seek the latter. Research consistently finds that assigned mentors rarely succeed — treat assigned individuals as advisors, then pursue naturally occurring or intentionally chosen mentors.

Consider whether you need mentoring one-on-one or within a group. Weigh whether an internal mentor (with insight into your organization’s politics and personalities) or an external one (more removed, less judgmental, better for confidential matters) better fits your needs — or pursue both. Many find that a mentoring network, with multiple mentors addressing different facets of life, offers the richest support.

Know Yourself First

Before approaching anyone, pinpoint your specific needs: new skills? expert advice on a task? encouragement? philosophical wisdom? Make a list of contacts who could address those needs. Once narrowed, request informal meetings — convenient to them in time and location. Start by introducing commonalities, then identify your needs clearly. Use analytical judgment and gut instinct to assess fit.

Beware mentors who seek too much credit for your success or advise without listening. Look instead for someone genuinely open, curious about others, and strong in the areas you’ve identified. Above all, don’t assume a mentor must be just like you — look for congruent values.

Approaching Your Mentor

Once identified, establish agreements in three areas:

• Communications: Who initiates meetings and contact?
• Logistics: Face-to-face is best; phone or video if distance requires. Aim for weekly or at least biweekly sessions of roughly fifty minutes at a regular, scheduled time.
• Process: Set mutually agreed objectives from the start. Reassess progress and the value of those objectives at least every three months.

Mutual trust is the foundation. Be honest with yourself and your mentor, and at every contact express genuine appreciation.

Winding Up a Mentoring Relationship

Mentoring is a process with a beginning and an end. Don’t let it simply fizzle out — achieve closure to honor the relationship. A final session over a meal or at a meaningful event can mark the transition gracefully, whether the mentee moves on, grows into a colleague, or — as sometimes happens — eventually becomes your mentor.

Taking Initiative

Most people are willing to help those who are eager to learn. Being bold enough to ask is itself an act of lifelong learning. By drawing on your mentor’s education, intelligence, and network, you can meaningfully shorten the path to your own definition of success — while always respecting their time.

Becoming a Mentor

Much discussion about mentorship focuses on the mentee — but being a mentor can be among the most rewarding dimensions of a career. It requires considerable, often unplanned time. Availability is key: beyond agreed schedules, genuine mentoring sometimes means being reachable for the occasional emergency call.

You don’t have to wait to be asked. Many of the finest mentoring relationships grow spontaneously from working alongside someone and becoming their natural “go-to” for guidance. Formalizing the relationship — with regular meetings and stated goals — enhances its benefits for both of you.

Respect is central. Recognize that your mentee already has areas where they surpass you; seek those out and honor them. As Confucius observed, teachers are known not by their own actions, but by the actions of their students.

Case Studies

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